I've decided that is what we are around here.
I haven't written in a long time. Honestly? I haven't wanted to? I think year 2 with diabetes has been a year best defined as wanting to NOT think about diabetes as much as possible. And since diabetes HAS to be thought of all the time around here when it comes to site changes, BG checks, dex changes, exercise, parties, sleepovers, stress, sleep, eating in, eating out, etc.? That doesn't leave me a lot of room to NOT think about it. So me taking time out of my precious day to blog about it? Yeah, forget it!
I think we are at a point now where sometimes it seems like there was never a time Type 1 wasn't a part of our everyday life. That can be good. I don't spent crazy amounts of time figuring out how to handle carb counting. I don't obsess over measuring every item down to the last morsel. I don't completely go batshit crazy when Alex gets a party invitation. We try to deal with it and move on. But...it can be bad. When I'm not policing the kitchen, I find Dex alarming that Alex is 350 and she SWEARS she hasn't eaten anything. Yet...I find the remnants of wrappers in her room behind dressers and such. I sometimes sleep through a Dex alarm screaming that Alex is 250 and instead of racing to bolus..I roll over and go back to sleep and kick myself in the morning for letting her run high longer than I should. I'm just being honest.
It is what it is. I hate that I have to battle with my daughter who has gotten to a point in the d-world of growing weary and resistant. I too am weary and resistant. But I KNOW she can't have a box of Mike and Ikes and "forget" to bolus. I KNOW she can't reach into a potato chip bag and not count the chips...or at least try to bolus for an estimated amount. I KNOW she herself can't make educated guesses on dinners or snacks out with friends. "But mom...YOU GUESS," she says. Yes, I do sometimes...but based on the fact that I've become a damn good carb counter in 2 years. She hasn't. She wants to bolus 30 grams for a popsicle or 2 cups of rice. She figures 30 is good all the time, right? NO!!!
So here I am weary and tired. Not so much resistant...just weary I guess. I've been really really tired lately. I chalk it up to crappy sleep patterns - after all, I don't roll over and ignore Dex all the time you know! I was diagnosed with GERD last winter. You see, I was doing super awesome on my diet last year. I lost over 30 pounds. I was walking and even running daily. I was feeling GREAT. I was eating alot more whole grains, fruits and veggies and a lot less refiner sugars. I especially latched onto fruits. When I had a sweet craving, I ate fruit. Pineapple was one of my favorites. It was working. And then...I started getting some awful stomach pains. Heartburn. Indigestion. It got to a point that I decided something was wrong. Maybe I had gallstones? I went to the doctor. After running tests for h.pylori, gallstones, ulcers, etc. I came back positive for acid reflux disease. The first 2 weeks I was on prescription meds I threw up almost every night in the middle of the night - mostly stomach acid. It wasn't pleasant. I was told to refrain from lots of the foods I had clung to on my diet plan.
I started eating lots more yogurt and breads. In my head I thought, bread would be helpful and "soak up" the acid. It seemed to help in my mind. In my icky feeling state, my annoyance at giving up my favorite fruits and "go to" foods, I fell of my diet wagon.
While the acid reflux got better, I continued to have some stomach problems of which I don't really care to detail. I chalked it up to my lot in life - I'm stressed. I was eating more sugar again and breads. I gained some weight back (dammit!). I felt defeated.
Back when Alex was diagnosed with Type 1, we started going to support groups. It was then I think the first time I'd heard of "celiac". I'm sure the kiss of death for me was thinking "man, I hope we never get that shit!". I mean I'm exhausted as it is counting carbs and making sure we steer clear of non-whole grains.
Alex gets a blood test every year for celiac. Twice now...it's been negative! Whew, right?
Everything I read about it talks about malnutrition and weight loss as a symptom. So I laughed and thought well that's not MY problem then! Then someone sent me an article about a link between celiac and obesity. What are the odds, right? I mean how fucking unlucky can I be that I get all the shitty symptoms (no pun intended) of celiac except weight loss???? Could I at least have that "symptom"? I mean, I'll take that one over "blood bowel movements", right???
Anyway I had to go to my doctor for a med check for ADD and he asked me about my stomach issues which I confirmed weren't much improved but as long as I stay away from my precious pineapples and tomatoes, it isn't unlivable. After some discussion he decides to run a celiac panel.
2 days later, I receive a call that the lab work is positive. I most likely have celiac disease. I'm scheduled to go for a biopsy in 2 weeks for confirmation but from what he said and what I've read based on the type of blood work they did, it's all but a given.
I'm a bit over the initial shock. I've been reading alot and I understand it's manageable. And, I'm sure it will help me feel a lot better. I'm sick of being tired all the time and just figuring I am a lazy person who has no willpower for anything. I don't WANT to get type 2 diabetes. I don't WANT to have an increased risk of cancer. I WANT to feel better. I want to figure out a way to eat that I can live with and is healthy - whatever that is.