Tuesday, July 30, 2013

A $4.97 box of beads

The independence rebellion continues...

Yesterday morning my daughter casually comes out of her room and asks me to check my email. My daughter rarely emails me. So I curiously open the inbox and see a carefully this carefully written paragraph:
Dear Mom,
     Hey mom I saw today on the counter that you had a list for Walmart or Target.
Well last night when dad came in to kiss me goodnight he say that I was on 2 things(My Kindle and my laptop) and said he would like me to read today.Well I've read all my books and i really don't feel like reading them twice.So I thought since I'm responsible You can drop me or/and Ben at the Library and i can read my books.Also my phone is fully charged so if you needed to text me like your there to pick us up.Also you could shop or stay at home.I would like to go by myself or/and Ben because I'm growing up and i want to be i don't want to be held back.So please think about and I told Dad i would do it today. 
Okay, so I appreciate her attempt to communicate with me, and I respond with this:
I appreciate that you want to be independent. I don't feel comfortable dropping you off at the library. However, I'm happy to take you to the library this morning. I actually wouldn't mind checking out some books as well. Just because I'm in the library doesn't mean you have to be dependent on me. You can do your thing and I'll do mine and we'll meet up when were done up front.
Also, I do need to go to a few stores today but you could come with me. You wanted to look at yarn which they have at Walmart and I need to go to sprouts and we can stop at the 99 cent store too.
Alex responds with a happy "okay" and we get ready to go. At this point I want you to note that there is NEVER a mention of beads in this communication. You may think I'm wacked right now for bringing up beads but just work with me here...

We have a nice time at the library and at 11:45 we leave for Sprouts. Alex's dex beeps that she is 46. I have her test and she is actually 77 (Dex is acting up this week with lots of ??? symbols and I am pretty sure it needs changed as it is usually more accurate). I decide we'll do a girls lunch and we stop at PF Changs for a bite.  Since she has been having FANTASTIC numbers for over a week which by the way NEVER happens, I decide to combo bolus her for her 98 gram Fried Rice kids meal. Yikes on the carbs!!! My combo bolus works beautifully and she never goes above 170. We stop at the 99 cent store (for her more than me since it is next to Sprouts anyway) and she buys a hula hoop from the $10 she has leftover from money given to her this weekend. I discourage her from buying a bunch of other junk and remind her she wants yarn at Walmart (she has been making finger crochet necklaces and bracelets for the past week at home). At this point she says "oh and I want to look at beads too!"

Next, we head to Sprouts and Alex offers to push the cart and help get our items there. We head home to unload. Now I didn't REALLY need to go to Walmart this day - I could wait and I offer to skip Walmart (which isn't my favorite place anyway but they have yarn and Target does not). Alex says no she'd rather go back out to Walmart and get her yarn and look at beads. Okay...

So, we head to the Walmart, grab a cart and Alex asks to go right to the yarn while I look at lunch bags for Ben. A few seconds later, we meet up about 3 aisles away where she is having trouble finding yarn. She puts her diabetes purse in my cart because "it's heavy". I direct her to the right aisle and we find the yarn she wants. She seems extremely gleeful. First, she picks up about 4 reams of yarn and I remind her she only has about $8 and I expected her to pay with her money I gave her this last weekend. (Secretly I decide if we get up front and she has behaved I'll just buy it for her and praise her for being helpful). She puts all but one ream back and heads for beads. Now I'm thinking the girl wants beads for her bracelets. I'm thinking she wants a 99 cent package of beads. As we look at beads she also mentioned wanting friendship bracelet thread. Then she picks up 2 containers of beads, each with 1,500 beads and costing $4.97. I ask her what she wants so many beads for. She explains she wants to make a beaded entryway to her bedroom. I look at her and tell her I'm not excited about that plan - those beads aren't very durable, they will break and the dog could swallow them and I"ll end up throwing beads in the trash all the time. We argue for a few minutes.

I put my foot down and tell her that she is not getting beads for her door. She can get a smaller package of beads for jewelry making or the friendship thread. She only has $8 anyway. She says "fine" folds her arms and acts generally bratty at me while I have a ream of yarn and a package of thread in the cart for her. I tell her to knock it off. She whines and stomps her feet. I take the thread out of the cart and tell her to knock it off or the yarn is going back too. At this point she walks away from me in the opposite direction. The next thing I know she is just gone. I toss the yarn out of the cart too and expect she is behind me sulking and will catch up any time. I continue to buy the groceries needed and waiting for her to come out of the shadows. She never does.

I go up front and pay for my items. I text her to meet me up front. I'm VERY angry and worried at this point and realize she still has her diabetes bag in my cart. Then I realize I have her phone too. I have no way to get a hold of her. I wait for a few minutes thinking she is more likely to come up front than to be in the back of the store and if I start wandering we could miss each other. I'm shaking I'm so mad at this point. I start wandering the store. I walk the store with my cart of groceries 3 times. As I'm headed up front to call her from customer service, she appears shaking and saying she is low and grabs her diabetes bag and storms in front of me towards the car. Dex is again beeping and saying "47".

Fortunately, Dex is wrong and she is 72. She has a tablet and I tell her it's best if both of us don't speak on the way home. She is storming and stomping in the back seat. As soon as we get home, she goes stomping into the house. I quietly go to her room and grab all her electronic devices - the laptop, the iPod, and the Kindle. She seems to be more shocked and heads to her bed to sulk.

About 30 minutes later, she comes out and tosses a note into my face and walks off. The note says that she didn't run off - that I didn't wait for her and that she didn't want to follow me because I would look like "this" and there she draws a face of a mean mother.

I decide I need another 30 minute time out before talking to her.

Finally, I go to her room and tell her that she isn't 2 years old and her behavior was completely unacceptable and ridiculous all over being told no to a $5 box of beads which were never on the list in the first place. I tell her she is going to hear no many times in her life and people won't be nearly as kind as I will be when they say it nor as kind as I was when or if she reacts the way she did. She is a child who has an awful lot of STUFF and leads a good life and was getting more STUFF. But she deserved none of that for the treatment she gave me and herself. Then I explain it wasn't my job to chase after her in the Walmart. She is almost 11 and it's her job to stand up and communicate like and 11 year old and not a 2 year old. Furthermore, her running away and leaving herself without her meter or quick sugars was not showing responsibility at all. She glared at me all the more and I left the room.

About 4 hours later she was saying she was sorry and asking when she could have her electronics back. I told her when I felt she was sorry for her behavior and not sorry because she was bored and wanted her electronics back.

A D-suck factor added in for insult? Changing a Dex site when we're both angry and frustrated! 

This morning I received another well thought out letter of apology (handwritten and I don't want to disclose all of it here).  I asked her to take the letter back and write how she needs to handle herself in the future when she hears the word "no". After a re-write, she now has one of her electronic items back. I'm not sure when she'll get them all back. I haven't decided.

All over a $4.97 box of beads...

1 comment:

  1. Will you be irritated at me for laughing? I think this is great! Sounds like a day with my daughters, they are a joyful mess aren't they? All of it sounds like what happens here, stupid fights about saying no, about all the stuff they have, and how I get even madder when we are having a wonderful day and then something stupid (like me saying no) makes everything all blow up and then our day gets ugly when it started out so nice. I am so glad that I am not the only one!